Welcome to Relational Coaching with Michael Puchalla

If you’ve landed here, chances are you’re seeking deeper connection, improved relationships, or perhaps a better understanding of yourself. You might have noticed repeating patterns in your life — whether in romantic partnerships, friendships, or even in how you relate to yourself. These patterns may feel frustrating, but you’re not alone. My own experience with attachment wounds shaped how I view relationships and led me to this work.

At Relational Coaching, I help individuals reconnect with their authentic selves by exploring their attachment patterns and transforming emotional wounds. Together, we’ll blend cognitive understanding with somatic (body-based) practices, allowing you to break free from outdated relational habits and create deep, fulfilling connections.

Let’s explore how attachment wounds affect your life and discover the powerful role your nervous system plays in your transformation.

What Are Attachment Styles?

Attachment styles or wounds are emotional scars we carry from early experiences with caregivers. These early interactions shape how we connect with others and influence how safe we feel in relationships as adults. John Bowlby developed attachment theory, which was later expanded by Mary Ainsworth, whose groundbreaking research, including the "Strange Situation" study (1978), identified different attachment styles based on children’s responses to their caregivers.

These early attachments create "blueprints" that guide how we bond, trust, and respond emotionally throughout life (Siegel, 2012).

There are four primary attachment styles:

Secure Attachment: Individuals with this style are comfortable with both intimacy and independence. They can trust their partners, express their needs openly, and maintain a healthy balance between closeness and autonomy (Ainsworth et al., 1978).
Anxious Attachment: People with this style often crave closeness but fear abandonment. They may frequently seek reassurance and validation, feeling insecure in relationships (Ainsworth et al., 1978).
Avoidant Attachment: These individuals value independence, sometimes at the expense of emotional intimacy. They tend to withdraw emotionally when relationships feel too close, prioritizing self-sufficiency over connection (Ainsworth et al., 1978).
Disorganized Attachment: A mix of anxious and avoidant traits, often linked to unresolved trauma. This style involves contradictory behaviors, where individuals seek closeness but also fear it (Main & Solomon, 1990).

Recognizing your attachment style can be the first step toward meaningful change. No matter where you identify on this spectrum, integration and change are possible.

The Nervous System: The Key to Transformation

While understanding your attachment style is powerful, addressing attachment wounds requires more than just cognitive insight. You must also engage with your body — specifically, your nervous system.

Our nervous system plays a crucial role in how we respond to emotional stress and how we engage with others. Dr. Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory (2011) offers key insights into how our autonomic nervous system (ANS) regulates our responses to stress and connection. Your body operates in three primary states:

Social Engagement (Ventral Vagal): In this state, you feel safe, calm, and connected.
Fight-or-Flight (Sympathetic): This state prepares you to respond to perceived threats by defending or escaping.
Shutdown (Dorsal Vagal): Here, you feel disconnected, emotionally numb, or even hopeless.

The parasympathetic nervous system, particularly the ventral vagal branch, is responsible for bringing a sense of safety and calm. When this system is activated, it promotes relaxation and emotional connection (Porges, 2011). By learning to regulate your nervous system, you can shift from a reactive state — such as anxiety or withdrawal — into a state of calm and connection. This process is central to the transformation of attachment wounds and helps restore a sense of safety within yourself and your relationships.

The Power of Somatic Awareness

Cognitive understanding is only one piece of the puzzle. To truly integrate and change, we must work with the body, where many of our past emotional traumas are stored. Somatic awareness involves tuning into the body’s sensations, recognizing emotional triggers, and using body-based techniques to release tension and integrate these old wounds.

This is where NeuroAffective Touch® comes in. In my practice, I use this advanced technique to help clients access deeper layers of integration by connecting mind and body in a gentle, transformative way. Traditional cognitive approaches alone may not reach these emotional and relational ruptures, but through somatic practices, we engage both the mind and body to create lasting change.

Through somatic practices such as breathwork, mindful movement, and grounding techniques, you can begin to shift long-held patterns and find emotional balance. These practices work by activating the parasympathetic nervous system, particularly the ventral vagal state, which fosters a sense of safety and calm (Porges, 2011). Reconnecting with your body in this way supports long-lasting transformation and builds resilience.

Practical Tools for Activating the Parasympathetic Nervous System

Here are some simple, effective tools you can begin using to regulate your nervous system and build more secure relationships:

1. Deep Breathing

Deep diaphragmatic breathing activates the calming parasympathetic nervous system. To practice, inhale slowly for four counts, hold your breath for a moment, and exhale for six counts. This simple technique helps soothe anxiety and promotes a feeling of safety.

2. Grounding Techniques

When emotions feel overwhelming, grounding yourself in the present moment can help. Focus on your physical sensations — the feeling of your feet on the ground or the touch of a comforting object. Grounding helps bring you back to the present, especially during moments of emotional stress.

3. Mindful Movement

Engage in gentle stretches or mindful movement, paying attention to how your body feels as you move. This practice releases tension and fosters a sense of ease in your body, contributing to emotional balance.

You can find more practical tools to regulate your nervous system here.

Building Secure Relationships Begins with You

Changing attachment wounds and building secure relationships requires cultivating a secure relationship with yourself first. This process involves practicing self-compassion, setting healthy boundaries, and reflecting deeply on your patterns.

1. Practice Self-Compassion

When things don’t go as planned, resist the urge to criticize yourself. Instead, offer yourself the same kindness you would give to a loved one. This practice is essential for developing a secure inner voice and fostering emotional growth.

2. Set Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are crucial for protecting your emotional energy. Learn to say "no" without guilt and assert your needs clearly. By setting healthy boundaries, you build trust with yourself and others.

3. Reflect on Your Patterns

Take time to reflect on your relational patterns. Journaling or meditation can help you gain insight into what triggers your anxiety or withdrawal in relationships. Increased awareness is the first step toward meaningful change. You can then work with a specialist professional, such as a coach or/and therapist, that can help you on your journey.