Regulating the Nervous System

What is the Nervous System?

The nervous system is not just about controlling vital body functions; it's at the heart of our daily experiences, influencing how we live, love, and work. It guides our interactions with the world around us. Through the development of Polyvagal Theory, Stephen Porges redefined how the vagus nerve operates, highlighting a structured hierarchy within the system.

Our nervous system constantly scans our environment through a process called neuroception, subconsciously assessing safety and danger. Depending on the information received, we move through three primary and one lesser-known state in a hierarchical order, impacting our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

Why Understanding the Nervous System is Important

Understanding your nervous system is crucial because it directly influences how you experience the world, respond to stress, and relate to others. Your nervous system continuously monitors your environment, guiding you through different states like calm (ventral vagal), alertness (sympathetic), shutdown (dorsal vagal), or appeasement (fawn). By learning to recognize these states, you can gain insight into how you react to various situations and why. Knowing how your nervous system operates helps you identify when you are stuck in a stress response and provides the tools to move back to a state of regulation and safety. It allows you to break free from habitual patterns that may be rooted in past experiences, supporting you in developing a secure sense of self. By learning to work with your nervous system rather than against it, you can cultivate a greater sense of well-being, resilience, and connection in your daily life. 

“I fully believe that our body, especially our nervous system, is the key to transforming relational wounds.”

Ventral Vagal:

The "Calm and Connect" State

  • The ventral vagal state promotes relaxation and restoration, often referred to as the "rest and digest" response. In this state, you might feel calm, grounded, organized, see options, have hope, and ready to meet the day. When interacting with others, you may feel warm and nurturing, fostering feelings of connection and safety. For those with insecure attachment wounds, this state can feel unfamiliar but is essential for transformation and building trust. Secure attachment typically aligns with the ventral vagal state, where individuals feel safe and connected. However, cultivating this state is beneficial for everyone, regardless of their predominant attachment strategy.

Sympathetic:

The "Fight or Flight" Response

  • Known as the "fight or flight" response, the sympathetic state prepares the body for action in response to perceived threats. You might notice heightened alertness, a racing heart, or rapid breathing. In this state, you might feel anxious, defensive, aggressive, or want to avoid certain situations. Social interactions may become tense or confrontational as you try to protect yourself from perceived danger. Recognizing this state can help you understand why certain situations or relationships feel overwhelming and how to manage those feelings. Anxious attachment strategies often triggers the sympathetic state, leading to heightened alertness and fear of abandonment. However, individuals with other attachment strategies can also experience this state in stressful situations.

Dorsal Vagal:

The "Shutdown and Collapse" State

  • The dorsal vagal state is associated with shutdown and immobilization, serving as a protective mechanism in extreme stress or trauma. You might feel numb, disconnected, or dissociated from yourself and others. In this state, you may withdraw from social interactions, feel emotionally numb, or experience a sense of helplessness or hopelessness. Understanding this response can help you recognize when you're feeling overwhelmed and disconnected, and find ways to gently bring yourself back to a more balanced state. Avoidant attachment strategies can correlate with the dorsal vagal state, resulting in emotional disconnection and withdrawal. However, this state can affect anyone under extreme stress, regardless of their attachment strategy.

Fawn:

The "Appease and Please" Response

  • A lesser-known state, the fawn response involves appeasing or pleasing others to avoid harm or conflict. You might find yourself people-pleasing, being overly accommodating, or seeking approval and validation from others. This response often stems from a desire to avoid confrontation or rejection, leading to sacrificing your own needs and boundaries to maintain harmony in relationships. Recognizing this pattern can help you assert your own needs and build healthier, more balanced relationships. While disorganized attachment often involves a mix of sympathetic, dorsal, and fawn states, causing confusion and inconsistency in relationships, individuals with various attachment strategies might also exhibit fawn responses to avoid conflict.

Navigating Attachment-Related Stress

By understanding these states and how they influence your behavior, you can with nervous system regulation tools learn how to navigate relational-related stress with greater ease and resilience by building your capacity.

When we are anchored in a state of regulation, we move through our days with a sense of safety, effectively meeting the challenges of life. Discovering and nurturing this understanding within ourselves can lead to a more harmonious relationship with both ourselves and the world around us.

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